A Life

A weekly podcast about asexuality

A Life #69: Embracing LGBT

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We’ve talked about the differences between Asexuals and the LGBT community in great detail in the past. This time we turn the table and talk about the similarities.


December 6, 2011 - Posted by | Podcast


  1. Good to see you back!

    Regarding the question of asexuality being a sexual orientation: When describing your orientation, it says who you do not have the potential to be attracted to as well as who you are, it’s just that for most people, who they could be attracted to is the shorter list. For asexual people, however, it’s the opposite (also true for pansexuals, but if a pansexual defined their orientation by who they weren’t attracted to it would involve double negatives).

    Another similarity between the LGBT movement and asexuality is that both groups face attitudes from some people that your sexual orientation can be ‘fixed’ to heterosexuality, even if the reasoning behind it (morals vs. a hormonal/mental disorder) is different.

    Comment by MoreThanX | December 7, 2011

  2. I think we should accept the LGBT group as allies but still proceed with caution. Transgender rights are often dropped in the search for greater LGBT rights and Bisexuals are sometimes treated abominably. by both lesbians, gays and heterosexuals.

    I think it’s good to see this grouping as one of our cousins.
    We have similar concerns. Some of the concerns are the same. We should accept their help, but Asexuals should maintain their own organizations

    Comment by The Sinister Propoise | December 10, 2011

  3. Listening to the podcast.
    I shared a part of this in sex positive thread at Aven.
    I belong to CSPC since it started and I also volunteer there.
    Yes there is good with this place, on the surface yes there is inclusion but there isn’t too.
    I have never seen many pamphlets about any of the inclusion as far as the Asexuals..
    There is very little as far as I know as Asexual members in 10 years I have been member.
    In fact I know of only two other out members who are Asexual other than myself..
    I am also Queer and Transgender.
    Yes on surface yes there is inclusion.
    But that doesn’t always mean much.
    That what I know about the GLBT, Sex positive community being long standing member.
    Seattle really doesn’t have a community when it comes to LBGT especially the T part.
    Any more than CSPC has community other than its place where people go and met, play, have sex in public venue.
    I don’t really constitute that necessarily a community personally.
    Yes word wise they are inclusive but that doesn’t necessarily mean much.
    I have needs, desires and hopes for intimacy, play and belonging just like everyone else but I also know what its like to also be treated like outsider, lonely, overwhelmed with feeling excluded and frustrated too within this community.
    The thing is we may be included but they don’t always personal way include everyone that have listed.
    I was also a Lesbian for years that doesn’t mean I was having the positive options to express my intimate needs.
    I didn’t always feel included and this ultimately fueled my negative sexual views too.
    At that point in my life I did want to have sex but I spent years feeling like some how something was off because I couldn’t seem to develop sexual connections.
    I couldn’t understand why I was having the experiences with attractions and various other issues with the lesbian sexual orientation and my gender complexities for years.
    It took years for me to figure out about the Asexuality aspect.
    I identify as Asexual because I live in world that there is no to few people I desire sexually and the isolation I felt as Genderqueer/Queer person when I tried to form sexual relationships that created a sexual aversion.
    The attitudes towards those who are different and single who are born with vaginas even made sex even more disgusting and painful for me.
    I may be a Gray-A but I prefer the label Asexual because I remember what it was like and prejudices, isolation when I was out and 23 years later I still feel outsider.
    I hope this doesn’t make me sound like a “Troll” or sex negative because I don’t always find these communities inclusive nor am I able to open my legs in sex positive way to everyone who is involved in those communities because I have had experiences that others may not relate too.
    I was excluded for years for various reasons. It was only this last year they even attempted to include me but still its pretty lonesome. Its still sometimes very difficult for me.

    Comment by Dagon Xanith | December 12, 2011

  4. Well I think that we should at least be on their list (LGBTs), cos as we all agree (sadly all sexuals do not agree), asexuality IS excisting, and wether is it count to be a true orientation, it certainly is a true minority. And it is at least related to orientations/should be counted as related one.

    Isnt it whole point for LGBTs existence? Be on the side of minority-groups related somehow to sexuality/non-sexuality? This time would be perfectly good for LGBT to check their regulations and maaybe even reshape those a bit. I know groups whitch havent changed their name because of new peeps joining in, that group is just changed their rules so that it serves those (-) and THOSE SOMETHING SIMILAR/COUNTED TO BE CLOSE TO. There is no reason organisation dissabrove us only because we are not referred as sexuals. Asexuality is a clear minority, non-sexual minority, it should be enough to them to nostrify asexuality IF we want to join.

    But lets be honest.. theres no accosiation (at least in here) whitch could run that matter. And without accosiation, theres apparently not so much you can do, compared to what you could do with accosiation behind you.

    Sorry if typos.

    Vlad, Henrik, keep on the good job.

    Comment by Vuhhuur | December 13, 2011

  5. There is lot of people especially within women’s communities that don’t have sex life that involves other people that I have met and even some gay men.
    There is also segment of population that are LGBT and most likely asexual due to medical and mental health disabilities that lean on gray or demisexual side never given opportunities or circumstances where they would feel comfortable to be involved with someone sexually. I myself as I aged found I still have a libido, I just don’t have the attraction nor am I comfortable or have close enough relationships that I would even want to have sex with.
    And even as member of “sex positive” community I don’t feel there many options for me even for non-sexual Queer play partners that I would want to be vulnerable with on regular basis. Yes they let me in the party, I may even get volunteer for the organization but that doesn’t mean there are many options as far choices in loving intimate, romantic connections with the people I may want or feel included to pursue there or any where in what often feels like non-existent places that includes me in Seattle.
    Attraction and libido are two different things. I may “rarely” form attractions due to maybe sexual orientation of Asexuality or something else and still have libido or choose because of environmental or health reasons to not persue sexual relations due to being pre-op transsexual who can’t have my body or gender respected by the world around me. Or perhaps its because regardless of being “Queer”, gay or bisexual I am not into casual sexual exchanges but I spent my entire adult life never capable of making a love connection where I want to have sex and few times I have it has been very unpleasant or boring. I didn’t know why when I live as woman and identified as leather dyke I wanted sex but could never seem to find anyone I wanted sex with and when I did have it I didn’t like the sex. Most of time in Seattle for me in 1990’s there was very few options for sexual partners if you were outsider of the community. Those communities tend to be very cut off from any outsider, incestuous in they just swapped same partners and they rarely let anyone new in. I even tried men because they were plentiful just for non-sexual play which few incidents just turned to rape which even turned me off sex even more.
    It took me years to figure out that the reason why I was bored and not really developing the sexual connections or attractions with others was due to Asexuality.

    Comment by Dagon Xanith | December 27, 2011

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