A Life

A weekly podcast about asexuality

A Life #57: Introducing Kendra & Tim

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Randomness is the word of the day when the A Life team heads off to the unknown territories of an offtopic show. Although, to be honest, I don’t know what the official word of the day is, so it probably is not randomness. In any case, the show features the special guestitude of Kendra.

If you need to prioritize your romantic or sexual identity, which one do you go for?


May 18, 2011 - Posted by | Podcast


  1. Finally got around to listening to the latest batch of A-life’s, but since they’re so jumbled up in my head now I don’t know how much I can comment specifically on particular shows.

    I do know that for today’s poll-topic, I can say that I personally would prioritize my romantic identity, if only because I’m aromantic and that seems harder for people to understand than asexuality. However, if I was a Heteromantic Asexual I would–as I imagine most Heteromantic Asexuals do–prioritized my asexuality.

    If I was Bi or Homoromantic, however, I can definitely understand where the problems come in. While I would have no problem letting (most) people know I’m asexual, I know that telling people I’m Bi or Homoromantic would be every bit as difficult to live with as Bi or Homosexuality. So it may be that if this was the case, even if I felt both aspects of myself were equally important (and I probably would), I would likely focus more on the asexuality with strangers and the romanticism with people I trust more. It’s sad, but true. I’m sensitive, and would cry if I got hated on.

    On a more random topic that I found interesting, a friend of mine was talking about the evils of men (as recently-broken-up women are wont to do), and she had just started the “I think I’m going to give up men. From now on I’ll just–”

    and here I was utterly shocked to hear her finish with “–I’ll just be asexual” instead of “I’ll just become a lesbian”, since that’s what is usually said. I was thrown enough that I didn’t even say my “I don’t think that’s something you can just choose to be” bit. I haven’t explicitly told her I’M asexual, but since she knows the word and general idea, I’m sure she’s assumed it about me.

    Anyway, it was just interesting that the term asexual was used in casual conversation around me. It doesn’t actually pertain to any of the topics.



    I’ve commented before as ‘Kelly’, but in the podcast someone said they thought they knew me from AVEN, but that was some other Kelly. I’m too lazy to post on forums. I should get a more original pen name. From now on I’ll just sign as


    Comment by Kelly | June 3, 2011

  2. Actually, I just read some other people’s comments, and I sorta want to amend what I said.

    I would prioritize my Romantic inclination because that’s what is more–not difficult, so much as DIFFERENT–for me to live with. However, since I LACK a romantic ‘orientation’ if you will, does that automatically make my sexual orientation more important in the scheme of things? But then, in that case my Asexuality is also a lack! And now I’ve confused myself, and probably you too.

    Let’s just say if someone wanted to date me, my answer would be “Sorry, I don’t form romantic relationships” rather than “Sorry, I don’t sleep with people”. If that’s not priority, I don’t know what is.


    Comment by Kelly | June 3, 2011

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