A Life

A weekly podcast about asexuality

A Life #53: Exhausted Giddiness

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This week’s show got a little out of hand… In fact, it got so out of hand that Vlad did a pretty major editing for the show afterwards, so I thank her for the effort in here as well. The show makes repeated attempts to have a topic… but fails. So enjoy! …or at least don’t hate it too much.


April 22, 2011 - Posted by | Podcast

1 Comment »

  1. Writing on this episode as it has no comments yet. 🙂

    Hey Guys,
    Just spend the last few days catching up on your show, Hadn’t tuned in since episode #51 so I had to listen to the last 8 podcasts back to back over this last week.

    Hadn’t had alot to comment about on your shows since back in the day when I first found you all, when I seemed to write a comment on nearly every episode, guess you guys have been saying all that needs to be said lately, that I have nothing else to add. So Just letting you know I’m still listening even if Im not commenting. Although I will bring up a few things here from the last 8 episodes….

    —From Episode, #52, thanks Ellie for sharing that story about you coming out as bi romantic etc. It’s been so long in between episodes for me, I didn’t remember writing that comment, so wasn’t waiting for a response until you read my comment and I was like Omg The Jester, Hey that’s me and it all came back. But thank you, it was very interesting. =) I’m not sure If I’m bi myself, nice to hear your take on it though. I feel like im somewhere between bi and straight, saying Im straight seems wrong, saying im bi seems wrong…. so…. I do know that I am really passionate about bisexuality and get really annoyed when people don’t think its a genuine orientation.

    –From Episode #53, Henrik was saying how he went to the doctor and they didn’t believe he wasn’t sexually active. In another podcast, cant remember which one again, sorry, Vlad was talking about a similar experience were she was asked to do a pregnancy test and had to explain again and again that there’s no point as shes celebrate and they weren’t getting it until she told them a million times.


    “Well I had a similar experience myself, I had to go to the doctor a few years ago, because I thought I might have an infection down there (or diabetes). And when I told the doctor my symptoms she wanted to give me a test for an STI, which involved me taking a swab of myself. She was already reaching in the draw to grab the test before I even knew what is was. When I realized It was for and STI, I explained to her there’s no point in me taking that. Then she kinda turned on me and said, your not sexuality active….oh your a virgin and I admitted yes. The reason it got on my nerves was the way she said it, like she was talking down to me- I may have imagined that but its how it seemed to me at the time. I was more than embarrassed about the misunderstanding, she made me feel stupid. Like “oh of course your not sexually active look at you, how silly oh me to grab that out of the draw for you”- was the tone in her voice. ). Lucky I was all clear 🙂 and I haven’t gone back to her since- next time I need a doctor I wont be seeing her, let me tell you. This happened before I knew about asexuality oh course so I couldn’t say I was asexual.

    I know I won’t ever be having a pap test though, I know you should have one to be on the safe side but I’ve had all my injections for Cervical cancer and I read up about it and it says “There is little or no benefit to screening women who have not had sexual contact”. I couldn’t think of anything more horrible.

    —From Episode #54, thank you Henrik, thank you thank you thank you. 🙂

    In this episode at the start you were talking about family. Henrik in particular said you shouldn’t keep in touch with family just because their family and for no other reason and I couldn’t agree more.

    When I was 16 and it was time to see certian “family” I just said No and refused to go. I realized that after that age I couldn’t be dragged along like I was as a kid, that I could make my own decisions about it and stopped going. Ever since I have been made to feel guilty about it, like I did something really bad like i donno rob a bank or something?

    I only wish certian people could hear what you said and see that Im not the only one that feels this way. Time and Time again I have to explain to the “family” I do see , why I’ll see them and not the rest of the my “family”.

    The reason is because I like the family I see and don’t like the family I don’t. I had this conversation only a few weeks ago, again with an auntie of mine. She can’t understand it. She thinks I’m just going though some teen angst phase where I don’t want to be around them but when I’m older I will want to repair those relationships and be really close to everyone, which I never was before I stopped seeing them.

    I don’t get this argument “oh but there your family” ……so? I may have the same blood and DNA and someone doesn’t mean were gonna be best friends for life. I don’t know whats worse, not seeing your family coz you don’t care about them, or pretending you do to make everyone else happy?

    If I saw these people at school ( like they were my age ) we wouldn’t be friends. We have nothing in common and the deepest my conversations would go with these people was “hows school?” when I’d see them for bdays and Xmas, I’ve not lost anything since I’ve broken off contact with them. Other people in my family seem to think they must have done something wrong, and keep asking me what it is, I can’t just throw “family” away like that, I must have a reason, something horrible must have happened, like abuse that they don’t know about to make me distance myself from them. Again, If they were friends and we just no longer hanged out, for no real reason other than we grew apart that would be fine but when its “FAMILY” your not allowed to do that.

    I really hate movies and TV that make out like family is the most important relationship one can have. All these fairytale ideas about family, like a brother and sister who have never met become super close best friends as soon as they find each other when in the real world it wouldn’t been like that at all.

    Sorry about the rant, I just wanted to say thanks, knowing Im not alone in this makes me feel alot better and thanks to Henrik I will stop letting people make me feel guilty about this. I only want people in my life that make me happy and I shouldn’t have to apologies if that doesn’t include certian members of family. :):):)

    —From Episode #56,
    When you were talking about Maturity on the show, you were talking about how for some people/cultures/societies they have the view that sex is a rite into adulthood therefore being a virgin is immature…you were also saying how some people think those who are celebrate are that way because there dumb, they have no sex because they are ignorant about it. You also talked about Late bloomers etc.

    When I first read the title for this episode I thought you were going to have more of a discussion about Maturity in general….(not like sexuality maturity but maturity/immaturity in general in that makes any sense?)

    Which I thought was ironic, because in an episode a while ago, can’t remember which one, but….
    I think Ellie (not Heidi- sometimes I get you guys confused coz you voices are similar )….
    was getting all skirmish because Vlad and Hendrick were talking about sperm or something like that and she had trouble not only saying the word herself but listening to you guys talking about it in detail.
    Again, don’t quote me on this- It was a while ago, not sure exactly the details of what happened just that something on the show was being talked about like in the above example and it made Ellie uncomfortable to be part of that discussion.

    In fact in this episode you started talking about 12 year olds having sex and Vlad was quite mature about the whole thing I found but the other two sounded like they wanted to be talking about anything else, not sure which one said it- cant remember but one of you guys actually said- “I didn’t think this discussion would be about anything like this” or something along those lines. Again, Ironic in an episode about maturity haha….

    (also Vlad brought up the movie, My Life as A Dog, there’s another one I’ve seen called, Towel head aka Nothing Is Private from 2007. That features a girl who is 13 discovering her sexuality, which you can read about here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Towelhead_%28film%29)

    So yeah, basically what are your thoughts on asexuals acting like children when it comes to sex in detail, wanting to hold their hands on their ears saying “lalalala…. I cant hear you”, considering at least one and sometimes depending on the topic two of your hosts tend to do that? (which actually annoys me sometimes when I’m listening to the show). I know in the wider community, people will say were not sexuality mature yet or late bloomers but that others would think were not mature intellectually aswell, at least when the topic of sex is brought up, and would sit there squirming in our chair or giggling like little kids do when they have their 1st sex ed class.

    I know some aces are sex repulsed- myself included , but I guess there are degrees to it. I can be pretty okay listening to open discussion of sex and in fact listen to another podcast aimed at sexuals, I can watch sexual movies all that stuff, I think the only time I would feel uncomfortable about sex is around family or friends because its not a topic I’m used to discussing with them and is fairly personal so would rather not talk about it with them.

    Again back to the topic, you’re right that not having sex doesn’t mean your ignorant, I probably know more about sex than my friends who are sexual. I seem to seek out sexual information, like watching The Sex Education Show from the UK among other TV shows, books and things, not because i get any sexual gratification or pleasure from it but I find it interesting.

    Kinda like how people watch documentaries about serial killers or horror movies, doesn’t mean they get off on the murders or want to kill anyone, just that they find it interesting. You can be asexual and watch movies with sex in them or a plot based around sex in some way, doesn’t mean you want to do it yourself in real life or watch it like porn to get off.

    I was actually thinking about this the other day….. As an asexual I want to know about sex as much as possible so when people try to say “oh your just young and stupid and immature and don’t know anything” I can tell them there wrong and know how wrong they are. And also I think, I also helps me confirm to myself that Im asexual, again and again when I read this stuff and think “no that’s DEFINALTY not for me, no thank you”. My fascination with sex is more intellectual then sexual. On the one hand I want to be involved in the asexual community because that’s what I am, but also in the sexual world too, so people don’t think Im asexual just because I only involve myself in the asexual community and close myself off as much as possible to the sexual world around me. If that makes any sense?

    So yeah, finally up to date with the podcasts!! …. you don’t have to read this comment out on the show-you get enough feedback without this one…..
    keep up the good work, cheers!

    P.S does anyone know what happened to the other ace podcast, unscrewed and illuminated? They’ve been M.I.A for ages, are they ever coming back?

    Comment by TheJester | July 3, 2011

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