A Life

A weekly podcast about asexuality

A Life #47: Being Different

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Being different is probably the worst thing you can be in this world, and you’ll never be forgiven for being that. Being asexual is rather different, so the panel discusses how the world has made them pay.

Do you feel that you are different?


February 16, 2011 - Posted by | Podcast


  1. I am not an asexual, but something you said really struck a chord with me. With regards to the question are asexuals missing out an something wonderful, you said yes, but it doesn’t matter because you don’t have the capacity to experience it. I am also in exactly the same boat in the sense that I can experience sex but can never achieve that level of pure bliss, ecstasy and spiritual connection between too people. I can never experience this because I am a very non virile, sexually inadequate man.I feel the need to devote my life to focusing on what I want but can never have. But unlike you, I am sexual enough to have a true appreciation of what I am missing out on and it makes me want to explode with rage knowing that I can never have it. It tears me up inside and fills me with bitterness, self loathing and misanthropy. Its amazing to me that you people do not hate yourselves for not having the capacity to experience the joy that sexuals get. Not saying you should, ofcourse, but because I hate myself so much its inconceivable that you do not. My sexual life consists of metaphorically peering through the keyhole and looking upon two people experience the single greatest act that all life has to offer, I can only experience it vicariously through them and that makes me very sad. That is why I have some measure of envy for you asexuals, you can’t ever have it but you don’t want it, so who cares. Its been my ambition for sometime now to force myself into becoming asexual by eliminating all sexual desires, this may seem like setting myself up for misery but it doesn’t make a difference because I’m already miserable. What do you guys think?

    Comment by Mahoney (the key board warrior) | February 18, 2011

  2. When I was growing up, the word transgender did not exist, and asexual was a term used for the method of reproduction for “lower” forms of life. I’ve only recently begun to use these terms to define myself, although I’ve been transgender since childhood and asexual since puberty. I’ve always felt different because of it, but it really hasn’t affected me much. With regard to the transgendered state, it’s almost like I have this great secret that the rest of humankind hasn’t figured out yet – that gender is artificial. It doesn’t matter what I look like on the outside – I know that I am both male and female, fused into one being. Of course, the fact that I am outwardly female helped. I could get away with wearing male clothes and acting in a more masculine manner because our society accepts this more (although I don’t know why). However, whenever I tried to hint at this secret to my friends or family, all I got were blank stares, so I simply stopped trying to enlighten them. Like I said, the terms just didn’t exist back then.

    With regard to my asexual state, I started having problems when I began dating in my teens and young adult years. I seriously thought something was wrong with me. If I loved someone, why didn’t I want to express that love in the way that everyone else seemed to want to? I used to say to myself that it meant that the person just wasn’t “the one” but I know now that that was crap. So for me, I feel most left out of society only in the context of a one-on-one romantic relationship. It’s pretty easy to hide that though – I have good friends and strong relationships that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I just shy away from anything that might become romantic (with either males or females), because I realize that most of the people I encounter would naturally want sex as part of a serious relationship.

    As a newbie to the asexual community, I haven’t actually met anyone yet who is “out” as an asexual. I would really enjoy a face-to-face meeting with someone like me. In the meantime, I am enjoying the podcasts – thanks for being there. (Sorry for the long post.)

    Comment by Kip | February 21, 2011

  3. I’d like to mention being different due to race and culture. At my primary school, all my classmates were white and I was “that foreign kid”. I desperately wanted to fit in but failed.

    Comment by Mario | February 23, 2011

  4. Your comment that you see a man (and/or a person with a male body) dressing in a dress as him excluding himself from being an active member of society is extremely inappropriate. By saying this you are basically equating someone who identifies as transgender and/or is androgynous to a disabled member of society. Which, in the context of the show, is highly unbecoming.

    Comment by SourMuffinSalad | July 28, 2011

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