A Life

A weekly podcast about asexuality

A Life #31: Asexuality with Age

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The challenges in life differ greatly with age, so it’s only logical to assume that the same applies to one’s asexuality. In this episode of A Life, the crew examines the different social challenges of asexuality as they change with age.

Does being asexual become easier with age?


September 11, 2010 - Posted by | Podcast


  1. Another good episode.
    In regards to the age discussion there’s this thread on AVEN about it that might be interesting: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/54166-about-what-age-range-did-you-reach-when-the-nagging-finally-stopped/
    I completely agree with Henrik in regards to dying alone. I would hate to have somebody with me. How morbid and horrible is that? ‘I don’t want to die alone! You, person who loves me, shall witness my demise and suffer terribly for it.’ Yes, great, lovely.
    Heidi pointed out somebody I was going to say – old people having sex. Society has the oddest opinions ‘at this time you should/should not be doing this’ and it makes absolutely no sense to me. I stay with: ‘sod you. You have your own life, do with it as you will.’ Some people say that old people that should be romantic but stop being sexual… why? Really? I’m asking – where does that idea come from? Apart from the fact it brings a terrible mental image.

    Comment by Jicragg | September 17, 2010

  2. (GBRD143 here)
    I apologize for taking so long to respond to the coming out questions on the podcast. Jicragg dutifully sent me the message and for some reason I couldn’t figure out how to find the program. That is all fixed now and I have bookmarked it for future reference. *whew* So ..
    A single difference between the first time when I tried to come out in the 70’s and later on, in 2004, would be hard to pinpoint. It was more than one thing. First, of course, was the fact that I was more than 30 years older. I was much more self confident and independent in 2004 than I had been in 1970 at age 17. I had been through so much hell during those 30+ years that I had essentially given up on ever finding a happy relationship and instead had focused on being seen as eccentric and independent. Adding asexuality to eccentricity and independence is not such a big mental leap for most people, plus I was already 50 and “past my prime” so to speak, so I encountered very little resistance to the idea once I finally mentioned it.
    It was much worse when I was a teen. I still cared about what my friends and peers thought of me and I desperately wanted to fit in. It was in the middle of the “free love” era, before AIDS, and the idea that anybody might not want to have sex was incomprehensible. I thought that I might be the only asexual alive, or, if not, that all of the rest would also be female. I only wanted to have relationships with men, though, and I was sure that ALL normal, healthy men wanted to have sex as much as possible. I never saw any evidence to the contrary until I joined AVEN, and by that time I had already married a disabled man. (Big oops, now corrected.)
    Finding my real peers, even 40 years too late, was such a huge relief that I was ready to laugh in the face of the entire world. I don’t think I can even begin to express how much it changed my life. All I could think of was how much useless grief I had been through and the fact that I had a chance to help other asexuals avoid it. Right then and there I dedicated the rest of my life to asexual visibility and education.
    It was almost like finding religion, and I wonder if maybe I might be getting that crazed, religious zealot look in my eyes when I talk about asexuality, because – seriously! – people really DO look uneasy and start to fidget and back away if the topic comes up. I am ready and willing to answer all challenges, and I suspect that it might show.

    What a difference a few decades can make, eh? 🙂

    Comment by Nancy | September 24, 2010

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