A Life

A weekly podcast about asexuality

A Life #22: Missing Out?

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One of the more frequently asked questions from asexuals is: Are we missing out on something? Are we missing one of the great pleasures of life by not having any sex? The question has been asked and answered so many times, that most of us don’t stop to think about it anymore. But drilling deeper into the issue reveals a question that is more complex and one that can be approached from several different angles.

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May 10, 2010 - Posted by | Podcast


  1. First of all I have to said that I couldn’t stop giggling at ‘I’m Vlad!’ Just reminds me of Dracula.

    When it comes to Sex Education you have it separated into two factors: the biology and the social aspect. So how sex works and puberty (i.e. stuff you need to know – admittedly some of the knowledge goes too far which some of the extra information and shouldn’t be told every single detail) is in science and generally useful. The social aspect would be the whole STI section and constraceptions. The biology is always the same but the social aspect varies (for example in some – not all – Catholic schools they don’t teach the pupils about contraception because of their beliefs). I was first taught the simple biology when I was eleven to a decent level (though the video of a baby being born does shock a lot of kids. Why wouldn’t a cartoon have done at that point?). The social aspect is also necessary, people need to know about homosexuality (hopefully soon asexuality will also be mentioned soon) and being safe whilst having sex. This whole ‘I don’t need to know about condoms!’ reminds me of the safety lecture of airplanes. I’ve never need to know about it. Your retort: ‘I’m more likely to be on a crash plane than have sex.’ Me: ‘Do you honestly think the lifeguard will hear your whistle when he didn’t hear a plane crash in the ocean?’

    As something that always come up with the discussion on the difference between sexuals and asexuals is the swiping generalisation that asexuals do not have sex. I am an asexual, I don’t find people sexually attractive but I am interested in having sex. That would entirely rest on the person I date as I am content with life both with and without sex. I realise the generalisation is to make the conversation easy but it is something that pops up time and time again and something that needs to be told to most new members. I unfortunately cannot recall the term for an asexual who does have sex or is perfectly comfortable with having sex depending on their situation in life.

    I do like how you linked up that it’s just a personal lack of enjoyment of certain things that everybody has. Though the majority of asexuals feel that it isn’t all of them.

    Comment by Jicragg | May 10, 2010

  2. Some among us experience attraction, but only infrequently. So we get enough taste to know what we’re missing, but there are long periods of time when it’s inaccessible. I think the most comparable example was Vlad’s experience with reading (she said she’s read enough to have a taste for it, but dyslexia makes it difficult and tedious). So I am really curious how Vlad deals with that feeling.

    Comment by Siggy | May 11, 2010

  3. This is in response to Siggy’s question about how I deal with the feeling of loss over not being able to read as much as I want to. The way I deal with it is to read as much as I reasonably can before fatigue sets in, and then spend the rest of my free time doing other things enjoy, like watching movies, or listening to public radio while knitting or doing art. Also, I suspect if reading weren’t so hard for me, I wouldn’t be nearly as social as I am. So I when I get frustrated about my limitations around reading, I try to remind myself of all the other things I do in my life that I genuinely enjoy. 🙂

    Comment by Vlad Drăculea | May 12, 2010

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