A Life

A weekly podcast about asexuality

A Life #18: Asexuality and Gender

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The brave crew of A Life survived the dangers of the holiday season and is back for another burst of asexyness. This time the panel discussed about gender, the importance of it and the role of it in the community.

Blog quote from:
Ace of Butterflies: You know, it’s the 21st century…

Asexuality and Gender


January 27, 2010 - Posted by | Podcast


  1. Hey guys! I am loving the podcast – I’ve actually been listening since the fifth episode went up, but, I confess, I’m terrible with giving feedback. I think I responded to a couple of polls, but that’s it. Sorry!

    This episode was really interesting for me, because I’m pretty gender-neutral. My only issue with this is that since I’m relatively small and I look very feminine, it seems to make people uncomfortable when I behave in a very gender-neutral way. I have no idea what they expect me to do/be, but I’d have to be blind to not see the questioning looks I get when I say things like, “I built my computer” or when I tell someone what I think is wrong with their car or I get all euphoric about the mechanics of woodwind instruments.

    What’s really frustrating is that I’m 90% sure my mom thinks I’m a closeted lesbian. She’s even asked me outright, during a conversation about gay marriage, because apparently she couldn’t understand my support of such a thing in any other way.

    Some people have the opposite reaction, and think that it would be totally awesome to have a girlfriend they could take to the auto shop or discuss astrophysics with – or at the very least, a girlfriend who would have something more to talk about than every little detail of how their day went. I don’t appreciate this reaction either, because while I think I’m making a good friend with whom I have something in common, they think they’re forging the groundwork for the relationship of their dreams. (Not that this doesn’t happen with guys with whom I have nothing in common.)

    So, regarding this, I had a question. Have you had to deal with either extreme due to not conforming to gender norms – either being taken as a homosexual or being seen as the uber-date? The first one’s pretty easy to deal with, even if it is annoying – “No, I’m not a lesbian; I’m asexual.” – but how do you deal with people who consider you a “tease” just because you’re being friendly? I’m not flirting in these situations – I’m merely holding a conversation and being generally sociable, since I love being around people. I’m not showing any undue interest or singling anyone out – though I don’t notice when someone is singling ME out. I’m thick-headed when it comes to picking up other people’s interest.

    It’s a little unnerving to realize that I’ve seriously pissed people off just by behaving in a way that can be misinterpreted if they are so inclined. Do I really have to tell everyone, up-front, that I’m asexual in order to keep them from getting their feelings hurt? And, is this all absolutely ridiculous, or am I just insensitive?

    Sorry for the long-winded response! (Perhaps to make up for all the times I didn’t comment?)

    Comment by Niapri | February 7, 2010

  2. http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=478

    Comment by JustSaying;) | June 27, 2010

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